Experiencing the Senses Through a Personal Narrative

The sixth graders have been writing several essays throughout the year.  I decided to go back to some narrative writing, specifically personal narratives. The students were to think of a memorable experience in their lives to write about.  We brainstormed a variety of ideas including sad memories, proud moments, embarrassing experiences, and even exciting events.  The students then had to use their five senses to describe what they could remember about their particular memory.  They used literal sounds, smells, tastes, and feelings, as well as, figurative. Once they had completed their “pre-writing,” they began to draft their stories.  Next, they proofread and edited their own stories. Following their own proofreading, they peer conferred with their classmates. Finally, they shared their stories with me and I gave added suggestions so they could rewrite and publish their work.  Each story is unique and creative. Here are a couple of their stories:

Horrific Heights! by: Rebecca B

 It was a chilly morning in Colorado, and the clock was ticking. At about 7:00 a.m., my family and I were going to drive through the Rocky Mountains National Park to the very top. No one had a problem with this except for me. My parents knew why I didn’t want to go, and it was because of one reason. I had a major fear of heights. I played with my fingers and my hair, nervously waiting for my parents to notice; they didn’t. We all got in the car and drove away.

Search results for Colorado flag - Images and More Moraine Lake in Banff National park, located in Alberta, Canada

I looked outside the car while we were driving, and all I saw was an exquisite landscape and a bright blue sky with cotton ball clouds. There were amazing green forests with elk, deer, and other woodland creatures. This all changed when we approached our destination, the Rocky Mountains. I admit it, they were quite a sight to behold. The mountains were dark gray with white snow on top, but they were awfully high. As soon as I saw them, I shuddered. My brother looked out the window and said that he could see them; my stomach churned. I really didn’t want to go up that mountain. I just couldn’t do it.

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My dad announced that we were officially heading up the mountain. I opened up the window and tried to breathe. Then he stopped the car and asked if anyone wanted to come out to take pictures at the scenic view. Everyone got out of the car and stared at me. I shakily opened up the car door and walked with my family to the end. I looked down and thought that it was not very high. My mom told me that we were only about 100 ft in the air. Wow! Surprisingly this was very easy for me, then I wondered how high it would be at the very top?

After about twenty more scenic views, my mom and dad made an announcement. All of a sudden I had a vile disgusting taste in my mouth , and I just wanted to throw up. My parents said that we were five minutes away from the top. When we were at some of the other scenic views, I almost puked because of the height, so I decided that this was a very bad idea. The car stopped, and my dad opened the door. My mom and brother stayed in the car, and this made me want to scream and turn back, but I couldn’t. I walked to the edge with my dad. I was terrified, but I looked anyway. I opened my eyes . . . and screamed! I jumped back while I looked around. It was breathtaking. I heard trees swaying in the wind. I smelled the fresh clean air unlike the filthy city air that I am accustomed to. It took me a moment to realize, but I was at the top. My jaw dropped as I gaped at the breathtaking view. I couldn’t believe it. I, Rebecca, was looking at a 12,000 ft drop. When I went back in the car, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

I was so happy that I could go on tall roller coasters without being scared. It took me about 10 years to face this fear, and there was no way I was going back. Next, I am going to a 14,110 ft high mountain called Pikes Peak. I wonder what will happen this time?

So That’s How it Happened by: Gil S

It was a rainy, humid night. You could smell the dedication and hard work in the air. Nobody, especially me, thought this would happen to me.

So, I just my second season of lacrosse, and our coach announced that we would be picking captains in two weeks. I immediately knew that I wanted to be captain, but there were a lot of kids who were a lot better than I was and I knew they were going to be hard to beat.image

So, for two weeks, I did everything I could to try and get my teammates to vote for me. I lent them water, helped them with their shot, gave them advice if something went wrong, but most importantly, I was being their friend.

After two weeks went by, it was time for coach to announce who would be the team captains. I didn’t want to get over-excited, but I knew I had a pretty good chance. Coach had the “candidates” turn around and the people who were not running put their head down. He told us that he did this to make sure that nobody would get mad at anyone for not voting for someone. When coach announced the first name, he said… Carson. After the first name, my hopes went down a little bit, but there was still one more captain to be announced.

After the second time my teammates turned around and voted, coach started saying the name. I know I shouldn’t have been excited about him starting to say a name, but he started saying it with a “G” sound. It wasn’t until after he announced the second and final captain that I lost hope of becoming a team captain. It was all because he called the name… Gary.

Gary was just as shocked as I was that I didn’t get picked. All of my other teammates were surprised too. As soon as Gary realized what happened, he smiled at me and nodded to the rest of the team and they nod back to Gary. I was so confused, but before I could grasp my head around this whole situation, Gary asked the team if it was ok if I were captain instead of him. The rest of the team smiled and yelled with approval. After the coaches sewed the big “C” on my jersey, I went to Gary and asked him what had happened. I was not thinking he would say what he did. He told me that all of the team, except me, agreed that if you were not chosen as captain by some weird reason, then one of us would give you the captain role. All of the sudden, all of my teammates huddle around me and cheer about how great of a season it was going to be.image

 

BLOB By: Jamie B

 

It was a bright, summer day inSummer_Peace_and_Justice_Camps_for_Youth_-_get_involved_____-_ClipArt_Best_-_ClipArt_Best the middle of June. It was the first week of sleepaway camp, when I found myself standing in line to jump onto the “Blob.” The Blob was a blown up, floating bag in the water, and while one person would sit on the edge, the other would jump; and the person sitting on the edge would go flying into the lake. Normally, I would like this type of thing. However, I was just afraid.

Once I snapped back into reality, I, again, found myself on a tall, wooden dock with tiny splinters poking into my bare feet. With my hair tied back in a ponytail, I walked slowly to the edge to the smell of salty, dirty lake water. All I could see (or pay attention to, at least) was a long span of the lake, lined with trees. When I looked down, I saw the colorful stripes of the blob. I nervously fiddled with the strings hanging from my life vest. When the lifeguard gave me a “thumbs up,” I hesitantly and clumsily jumped onto the blob. Consequently, the person on the other side flew into the lake, although the only part that I saw of her was her head.

This left me sitting, terrified, on the blob. Would it hurt when I would be sent flying, and smack down on the water? I stumbled as I made my way to the other side, when the lifeguard started yelling at me. It was almost more of a silent yelling that you would only see in a movie. I continued walking to the end of the float, when I felt a rush of cold water. There was water up my nose, in my ears, and all around me. I was in such shock that I had fallen off early that if I were not wearing a life vest I might’ve drowned.

I am an adventerous person. I can do it. I walked up the slippery wooden ladder coated with algae. I made my way back into the line. I relived the same thoughts that would not go away until I had done what I set my mind to do. I HAVE to do this.

When I finally got my second “thumbs up,” I let my toes dangle over the edge; and took a deep breath. I can do this. I did the same thing: jump on. This time, I crawled to the other end of the Blob, sat there and waited anxiously. I looked up at the next jumper who was not focused on me, but focused on the lifegaurd. I quickly realized that I was supposed to make a signal, so I did. I got a countdown that felt like forever, but in reality was only three seconds.

I quickly regrouped and took a breath, the next thing I knew, I was flying, soaring through the sky. I did, indeed, smack down on the lake, but the sensation of being airborne was greater than any pain. I did it! I knew I could do it. I climbed back up the ladder, where I found my friends with huge smiles on their faces.

 Image Credit: http://www.clipartbest.com/clipart-aTepddaT4

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